The concluding sentiment at the family meeting, by which I mean a discussion my parents initiated with me, by which I mean I was told to sit down on the living room couch and listen while they did all the talking, was, Also, boys don’t like overweight girls, a sort of cherry on top of the sundae if you will, but not an actual sundae of course, because that’s the sort of indulgence that landed us here in the first place, a last ditch effort to get the point across after measured pleading and reasoning, a final appeal that would surely break the spell, thereby breaking the motion of hand to mouth, because who doesn’t want to be desired by boys? If they had just mentioned that on day one, we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.
It turns out that the two people who were meant to love me unconditionally had actually been silently taking notes, waiting for the moment when it became clear that they had no choice but to intervene—this extra 15 pounds I was carrying around had officially gotten out of hand, rendering me unappealing, and this is when I learned how truly important it is to always remain cognizant of the opinions of others.
Armed with this valuable lesson, I headed off to college where I drank whatever cold bottle was placed into my open palm and slept with boys simply because they desired me, never once asking myself if I wanted them in return, and I was careful not to get attached because that’s not what cool girls do. I went to the gym with my roommate, at first simply for something to do, and then after dropping some weight, kept at it because it felt good to be able to share clothes with friends, snapping black bodysuits at the crotch and sliding miniskirts up onto my hips, and when I arrived home for break, my newly slimmed body like a friend I was bringing to meet my parents, I was met with open arms and eager eyes, acutely aware that approval smiles differently, approval hugs longer, approval offers seconds and dessert, approval means keep it up and we’ll all be just fine.
Amy Allen’s poetry and fiction has been published in a variety of literary journals, and her poetry chapbook, Mountain Offerings, was released in April of 2024. She lives in Shelburne, Vermont, where she is thankful to be surrounded by mountains, water and wildlife, and she owns All of the Write Words, a freelance writing/editing business. Amy currently serves as her town’s Poet Laureate, a position that includes outreach work with local schools and organizations.
Header photograph and artwork by Jordan Keller-Wilson
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